TSA blues

    I’ve been thinking a lot about the Transportation Security Administration’s new scanners and “enhanced pat-downs” lately, in relation to my health problems of eight months ago.
    One of the reasons why I started blogging was because I almost died on March 28, 2010. That’s the day when my colon ruptured, leading to massive peritonitis and an emergency (temporary) colostomy. A colostomy - even a temporary one - is a wretched thing. Your normal method of elimination is bypassed; you have a surgical hole in your side through which feces pass, to be collected inside a plastic bag that you have glued to your abdomen. Bags come in many styles, but the most common has a “tail” through which you can drain the majority of the waste into a toilet. It would be very rough on the skin to have to change the bag (and its adhesive) a couple of times a day. For me, small amounts of liquid feces oozed out of me and into the bag almost constantly. If the seal on the bag wasn’t perfect - and given the topography of my belly, this was very difficult to accomplish - feces leaked out - onto my clothes, onto my hand, onto anything in my lap, dribbling down my leg, yuck! I constantly smelled like sewage. To add insult to injury, I was allergic to the adhesive so my skin was often completely raw which made achieving a good seal impossible.
    Imagine if I had had to fly when I still had the colostomy. The scanner reveals everything under your clothes - like a weird, partially filled bag, attached to my abdomen. By definition, this would be suspicious, leading to a “pat-down.” The bag would have been thoroughly felt by a person untrained in medical issues. Given the precarious nature of my bags, the chances were almost certain that they would have broken the seal. Can you say, “sh!t-storm?” How humiliating! Not to mention unsanitary!
    Similar events have already happened to other people. A man with a urostomy - a similar operation to mine, but in his case, his bladder had been removed so the bag replaced it in collecting urine - was drenched with his own urine after a rough examination. He was unable to change into clean clothing for his flight. People with ostomies have been through enough. Why are they subjected to systematic humiliation at the hands of governmental goons?
    And what makes flyers think that the gloves that TSA agents wear are any barrier to disease? If a TSA agent fails to clean their hands and change gloves between every passenger, you could catch a serious disease. Imagine that a person in front of you has chlamydia. Chlamydia can be carried on a glove from their genitals to yours. Do you want to explain to your partner that they got an STD because you flew somewhere and got groped? Even nastier, imagine that the passenger before you was recovering from a norovirus (a highly contagious and nasty intestinal infection that survives a long time on surfaces). The gloved hand probes between their buttocks - presto - norovirus on the glove. The TSA agent then pats your shirt - a minute later, you touch your shirt, then wipe your mouth - congratulations, you’re infected. You’ll be sick in two days and down for a week. You'll probably pass this around your household, too. If your immune system is compromised, you might even die!
    I’ve got an idea that isn’t original but might gross out the TSA. Everybody should strip down to Speedos or bikinis for the security check. A couple of 20 year olds have already done this - cute young women and handsome young men. What if some less attractive people did it, too - like some golden agers or really fat people? Or someone like me - not just fat but covered with fresh surgical scars! I have no desire to have people look at my less-than-attractive body but I’d rather that than be groped by a stranger with filthy rubber gloves!
     I feel much less safe about flying than I did before the TSA started their new policy with worthless scanners and sexual assaults. After all, despite all of the hoopla, the TSA hasn't caught any actual terrorists, just Hollywood starlets with their pot,coke, and pills! The only people who have stopped terror attacks are alert passengers.
    All things considered, I think I’ll drive, ride a train, or take a boat if I need to travel. My naughty bits will continue to be the business of my doctor and my current sweetie, not the total strangers of the TSA. And the air carriers can kiss my scars for doing nothing for customers but raising prices and cutting services.