Concussed?

08/26/2011

I think I gave myself a concussion today. I want to write down what I remember because I am afraid that I will not remember any of it when I wake up tomorrow morning.

I was working in the backyard. I had folded the drying laundry and placed it in the basket, the clothes that I had washed and hung on the line earlier in the day. I wanted to pick up the loose trash before I started to rehang the downspout, the one that Jack had hung several times incorrectly. It fell (again) a few months ago. Whenever it rains hard, the basement floods because the water from the roof is not channeled away from the side of the house.

Jack was supposed to come down and help with the downspout. Instead, he slept late and didn’t hear the phone ring when I called him repeatedly. We had chatted as he drove up to Margaret’s house; he wouldn’t be able to come today and I was mad at him. I would have to climb the ladder up to the eaves, two stories up, while holding the downspout and hoping the ladder didn’t shift. I was scared. So, I was working on gathering my courage as I collected the loose trash and placed it in a big black plastic bag.

I’m not sure what happened next. I must have noticed that the ladder to the pool deck was down. I would have folded it up. Then, I probably bent over to pick something up. The next thing I remember clearly was the pain in my head, the knowledge that the only thing that could have caused that kind of pain was the ladder striking the back of my head, and realizing that I couldn’t continue to keep my balance. I thought, “Fall carefully. Don’t get hurt any worse when you fall.” So I collapsed onto the grass, face-down. I moaned and gripped the back of my head with both hands because I thought it might have shattered and I needed to hold the pieces together. There was neither blood nor any palpable bruise, but it hurt under the entire area of my outstretched left hand, from heel to fingertips. I saw constellations of stars in the blackness that threatened my vision. I held still for a long time and gradually, the blackness lifted. I remember thinking that I could remember exactly how it had happened, so that meant that I didn’t have a concussion. In concussions, you have some amount of memory loss around the time of the injury.

I remember remembering what happened, but now, in the house, I cannot remember it. I can’t remember whatever I knew clearly as I lay on the ground, smelling the sweet scent of grass. It smelled so green and clean. I am afraid that I will not remember lying on the grass tomorrow.

Eventually, I got up and staggered into the house. I even managed to carry the basket of clean clothes, dropping it in on the kitchen floor. 

When I was sick in the hospital last year, I repeatedly experienced bizarre memory loss. I clearly remembered thinking, “Of course I’ll remember (whatever was happening). It’s so clear in my mind.” But later, everything was lost except for those singular memories of remembering….. something! But what those somethings were, I cannot say! The human brain is a peculiar thing, when the body is injured.

What will my brain say tomorrow?

My head hurts.

August 30, 2011

            Today, I found this file open on my laptop. I’ve reminded myself repeatedly since Friday that I hit my head and probably had a concussion but I did, indeed, forget the details. With this brief essay, I was able to remind myself of (and remember some of) the specifics. I was relieved to find out how the laundry got into the house, although that action is lost.

Jack came down on Saturday and affixed the downspout to the house. The gutter still leaks, but the current arrangement kept the basement from flooding during Hurricane Irene.

            I went to Costco on Friday afternoon instead of going to the doctor; for some reason, I decided I HAD to pick up my allergy/asthma medicines before the hurricane arrived and that this was more important than getting my head checked. I don’t know how I drove. I didn’t get stopped, so I must have driven relatively normally.

Other things continued to get in my way over the weekend, including Margaret needing my help when the Deerfield River threatened to flood her home as a result of rain from the hurricane. I made several minor decisions that were not in my best interests; for example, I took some really questionable dirt roads to get home from Shelburne Falls, avoiding Greenfield’s insane traffic (I-91 south was closed due problems with a bridge over the Deerfield). I was lucky to not get stranded; these roads really needed a four-wheel drive and a high profile to traverse them, not my little low sedan. Like the ill-advised trip to Costco, I think my inability to make good decisions is a result of the blow to my head.

            I called Health Services this afternoon. The triage nurse was not happy with me and my skull’s continued sensitivity to touch. I’ll see a doctor tomorrow. Sigh.

I wish my ears would stop ringing. It’s driving me nuts!